A personal journey from resistance to recognition
This blog takes you through my personal journey with self-hating my identity, and how my career and personal experiences took me into the one thing I tried to avoid the most!
We’re hosting several events this month to commemorate South Asian Heritage Month. Be sure to follow our Instagram to keep up to date.
“Try not to resist the changes that come your way. Instead, let life live through you, and do not worry that your life is turning upside down.”
Elif Shafak
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Author, The 40 Rules Of Love
This quote has become my North Star, though I’ll admit—I tried to resist for a long time. And perhaps my resistance tells us exactly why South Asian Heritage Month matters more than ever.
The Weight of Hiding
When I first resigned as a Social Science teacher to start my coaching business, fresh from completing my Masters in Applied Positive Psychology and Coaching Psychology, I was running from something. The money mindset born from survival and poverty screamed louder than my ambitions, but beneath that was something deeper—I was navigating feelings of self-hatred toward my Bangladeshi identity.
Despite growing up proud of being different in a small estuary town, recent years had triggered something painful. I couldn’t walk through Whitechapel without cringing at the Sylheti Bangla around me, fearing judgment for things that would be celebrated as progressive and healing in white communities. This internal conflict—this disconnection from my roots—is precisely what South Asian Heritage Month seeks to address.
South Asian Heritage Month creates space for stories like mine to be told without shame. It recognises that identity isn’t always a straight line of pride; sometimes it’s a journey through resistance, internalised racism, and eventual reconnection.
The Corporate Detour
To avoid familial conflict about ‘secure jobs’ and to secure my finances, I directed my focus to working with top CEOs, delivering training workshops in positive psychology and Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion. My own community seemed too stuck in survival mode—how could I take them to thriving when they hadn’t shown up for their deep-rooted work?
This thinking itself was colonised. I had unconsciously bought into the narrative that South Asian voices were less valuable, that our healing traditions were inferior, that success meant distance from our origins. This is exactly the mindset that South Asian Heritage Month challenges—the idea that we must choose between our heritage and our progress.
The month’s theme “Roots to Routes” speaks directly to this false dichotomy. Our roots don’t hold us back; they ground us. Our routes through life don’t require abandoning our heritage; they’re shaped by it in beautiful, complex ways.
The Viral Awakening
Three years of hard-grafting, short stints back in education, working on movie sets, and then—a whimsical TikTok video about talbina (barley flour porridge, revered in Islam for its healing properties) went viral. I had simply shared how this traditional remedy could be an alternative to anti-depressants, and suddenly brown men were talking about mental health in ways I’d never seen before.
This moment crystallized why South Asian Heritage Month is essential: our traditional knowledge systems have value, our healing practices matter, and our voices can create change. That one video connected me with clients and built a community of South Asian people—particularly men—who were ready to both survive and thrive.
The response revealed something profound: when we share our authentic cultural knowledge, we don’t just heal ourselves—we heal our communities. We become the representation we needed to see.
Me, The Mother Duck
Every year of teaching, a small group of South Asian students would gravitate toward me like I was some kind of mother duck. They’d speak their language freely, make references only we’d understand, find comfort in shared cultural touchstones. For years, I actively resisted these connections, fearing accusations of being separatist and non-inclusive.
But reflection brought clarity: maybe this happened because they didn’t see this often. They rarely encountered a bearded, brown, Bengali speaking man who understood Gen Z references while carrying millennial baggage from an old world that had vastly changed over the last thirty years. This is the visibility gap that South Asian Heritage Month addresses. It’s not about creating division—it’s about ensuring young South Asian people see themselves reflected in positions of influence, in spaces of learning, in narratives of success that don’t require cultural erasure.
Why This Matters Beyond Personal Stories
My journey from resistance to recognition isn’t unique—it’s emblematic of a broader need for spaces where South Asian identity can be explored, celebrated, and valued. South Asian Heritage Month provides that crucial space for visibility, pride, and education.
When we hide our heritage, we rob ourselves of our full power. When we embrace it, we become the representation that others desperately need to see. We create safe spaces for identity sharing, foster belonging, and demonstrate that success doesn’t require cultural abandonment, or even assimilation.
The month serves as a reminder that our traditional knowledge systems—whether it’s talbina for mental health or community based events—have value in contemporary contexts. It challenges the narrative that progress means abandoning our roots and instead celebrates how our heritage enhances our contributions to society.
Moving Forward: From Reflection to Action
South Asian Heritage Month isn’t just about looking back—it’s about moving forward with intention. It’s about recognising that our experiences of navigating identity, resistance, and eventual acceptance are shared experiences that deserve recognition and celebration.
This is why I’ve organised three events this month that embody these principles:
Muted Healing x South Asian Heritage Month
Positive Psychology Photowalk – “Mapping Our Stories” – Saturday August 9th – A fun variation of our usual photowalk – this limited space event will have us trailing a South Asian hotspot in London (to be decided) where you get to celebrate South Asian Heritage using Positive Psychology Photography!
Brown Therapist Network x Muted Healing RoundTable “Healing Across Borders” – Monday 11th August – 6pm – On Zoom – Join us with leading experts in mental health to understand collective, intergenerational trauma and how we can move towards intergenerational strengths. Learn about what traditional methods may teach us that Western psychological methods don’t!
Smoke and Lime x Muted Healing Collaboration Supper Club – Thursday 21st August 7pm – Break bread and Build community- Sohini’s highly sought after supper club will have you licking your fingers clean as I host games and activities steeped in my love for history and psychology that puts YOU at the forefront of storytelling.
These events aren’t just for South Asian people—they’re for anyone who wants to understand how heritage shapes identity, how traditional knowledge can inform contemporary solutions, and how celebrating our differences ultimately strengthens our collective humanity.
Because that’s what South Asian Heritage Month is really about: not just surviving, but thriving—rooted in who we are, confident in where we’re going, and committed to lighting the way for others to follow.
Join me in celebrating South Asian Heritage Month by attending one of these events or sharing your own story of roots and routes. Because when we stop resisting our heritage and start embracing it, we don’t just change ourselves—we change the world around us.