Maternal Mental Health Day raises awareness about the challenges that women face when dealing with mental health issues during pregnancy, all the way until after childbirth. The theme this year is ‘together in a changing world’ – and in 2023, we’re all talking about equality, diversity, and inclusivity. So let me preface this article by being super clear that I am by no means an expert on maternity, motherhood, pregnancy, and all things related to this, simply by virtue of being a man. However, over the last few years, I have had a number of close family and friends who did experience this phase of life, and even clients who brought up issues around motherhood and found that my cultural and sociological lens was quite useful in unpacking their issues. In this ever changing world, the best way to raise awareness and make life better for others, is to do it together, starting with communicating. Here are my learnings about Maternal Mental Health in recent years:
- Postnatal depression is a type of depression that affects women after they have given birth. It is characterised by feelings of sadness, low mood, anxiety, and fatigue that persist for several weeks or months after giving birth. The condition can affect any woman, regardless of whether they have given birth before or not.
- There’s ‘morning sickness’ and then there’s hyperemesis gravidarum. This condition causes prolonged and severe nausea and vomiting, often through the entirety of a pregnancy. Now imagine the impact of this on your energy, work, emotions, food enjoyment, social gatherings, sleep; and the frustrating part is that there is no known cause, and some treatments are not effective. The thing that blows my mind is that, my friend’s condition stopped completely as soon as the baby was born. And she was able to keep that heavenly bit of toast inside her.
- Maternal Mental Health is an ongoing issue, often even after the baby goes into toddler stages, and beyond. Many mothers may feel overworked and stressed because the role of a parent essentially is one that operates around the clock. Let’s think intersectional as well! Some communities may have the support of extended family and friends – often you may hear the phrase “it takes a village to raise a child”; but that may not be the case for everyone. While this may sound quite positive (yay free babysitters), sometime the imposition of different parenting styles (especially in this changing world where we’re having conversations about discipline and parenting) can cause confusion and frustration.
4. Keeping in the theme of intersectionality – some mothers may feel a loss of identity, and this can be typical for migrant, diaspora women who (through sociological and cultural lenses), spend their early adult life in raising a family, often with the majority of the emotional work on their shoulders. Such that when those children grow up and start to form their own independence and identities, these mothers can start to feel left behind. This can start creating feelings of depression, loneliness, and on some cases an entanglement in their children’s lives which causes familial issues. It’s so important that we enable women to maintain their sense of personal identity, not just from a friends and family perspective, but especially if you’re an employer. And above all, it’s so important to remember that she will be navigating this identity for the first time (no pregnancy or childbirth is the same, and no two children are the same), so her needs and desires will change. (and that’s okay!)
Fortunately, there are several ways to support maternal mental health, including counselling, medication, support networks, and coaching.
How can coaching support maternal mental health?
Coaching focusses on identifying and addressing specific concerns or issues that a person is facing. A coach works with clients to set goals, create action plans, and support them in achieving these goals.
In the case of post-natal depression for example, a coach can work with a new mother to identify the root causes of her depression, create a plan to address those causes, and provide ongoing support and guidance. Coaching can also help new mothers build resilience and self-care skills, which can help them regain their confidence and improve their overall wellbeing.
One of my clients (permission sought and name anonymised), Nikita, is a mother of two young toddlers. Together with her husband, the small family migrated to another country just before the global COVID pandemic hit. She went from having a large extended family support network who were involved in raising the family, to being a stay-at-home mother. Her husband worked long hours in the medical field whilst also studying for exams, and she left her role as a teacher to raise her two young children. After a while, she realised that she had no idea when her life became a routine of changing nappies, wiping snot, cooking meals upon meals, stressing about being locked in an untidy flat, whilst making sure that temperatures were regularly measured, and being on heightened awareness every time her husband came back from the hospital and making sure the kids wouldn’t go near him until he had fully sanitised. It wasn’t until she stopped sleeping that she realised, something was severely wrong.
Together, she took me on a journey of her move from the UK to this new country. She led me down the difficulties of motherhood. And perhaps this was easier to do with a man who would never fully relate to the struggles she was experiencing as she could elaborate more about her individual issues. Over time, our relationship meant that she could help me see her path, and all I was doing was holding the candle as she led me through this dark tunnel. And we established that the poor mental health that she was experiencing, was down to her experiencing a severe loss of identity. She now is sleeping better, has taken a course/hobby, while her two children have started school, and she’s even starting her own business from home! Check out a snippet of her testimonial.
If you or someone you know is experiencing maternal, ill-mental health, it is essential to seek professional help. Talk to your healthcare provider or a mental health professional about the options available to you, including coaching. If you’re an employer who wants to support women on their journeys to, through, and beyond maternity leave, get in touch! With the right help and support, every mother can thrive and enjoy the journey of motherhood.